Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
