OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
