I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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