legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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