im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
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