I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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