Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
