Kiss
Puke
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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