I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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