NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
