Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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