Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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