Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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