we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize