Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
