girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
