ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
