Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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