When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
