just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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