She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
