Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
