bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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