so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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