Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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