Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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