I'm gonna have a badass scar
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
