Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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