Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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