All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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