You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
