i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
