The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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