he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
