I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
