can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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