Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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