On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
