I'm going to jail i love you
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
