every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
