i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
