Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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