I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
pray to the hookup gods
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
