What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
