you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
