If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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