It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
