I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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