thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
