i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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