know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
