I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
