my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Can't talk, ducks in the car
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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