i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
