my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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