I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
