She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
