Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
