i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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