you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
