are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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