There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
