Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
