In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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