I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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