OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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