I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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