bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
