i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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