Don't make out with my wife yet
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
