im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Mom said you looked used
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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