so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
